I wanna rest my head on your chest So I can feel the sadness Begin to flow Like Niagara Falls And every drop Is a piece of you I'm just the boat And I'm waiting to capsize Will you show me your tongue? I want to dissolve What are you doing next week? You want to give my life meaning?

When you ran after him Your hair swung back and forth Like a horse's tail When it runs through the field And all I could do was watch And I wanted it to rain Because being in love Is so much better When it feels like You're drowning

When you step into the void Then you see that it's not so empty Your words are like cracks in the sidewalk They break my spine every time Those fluorescent lights of industry Flickering the future straight at me I saw my shadow on the bathroom wall The hulking shape told me you were gone No longer with eyes or anxiety The Russian girl with the flowery dress will sleep Communist Naomi I lost you when I was 13 I loved you when I was 13

A band aid adorns the back of your ankle And that's what you get for wearing high heels Who are you trying to impress? Is the pain really worth it? Your arm's in a sling You dislocated it when you took a swing At me while I made you tea I watched you evaporate into steam Good luck trying to leave The seatbelt clicks but the leather seats freeze You put the key in the ignition But the sound of the engine stole, all of your ambition Now you listen to me breathe And you count the seconds hoping that it will stop Your mouth is an abyss When you come to the conclusion, this is only the beginning

You know I used to hit my sister Not every day but once in a while Like a lotta older brothers do When you're young and want someone to hurt And I always want someone to hurt But I could never catch a bird Those elusive fleeting wings That's what I thought about at that party I was looking for someone that looked like you Because if I can't have the real thing, what I want is the real thing Than a replacement will have to do As I twisted my shoes into my impulses I thought it's hard being sober all the time I know that I'm not fun and I know that I'm boring But maybe this will make me happy There's a room upstairs and it looks just like a temple The perfect space for a sacrifice As we contemplate in silence She asks if she'll ever see me again I search the oxygen for answers But I run out of breath We turn the lights off and begin And in the dark you look just like her It's no coincidence I used to throw my youth over the couch It's impossible to forget the sound Of his tiny toes hitting the floor It reminded of a dozen tires Simultaneously squealing And I always want someone

I sat in a Taco Bell on 8th Avenue listening to a homeless man named Roosevelt and after hearing an abridged version of his life story I asked if he'd ever been in love His smudged face looked surprised as we began speaking about a girl he knew back in Washington DC I wonder where she is now and if Roosevelt ever crosses her mind Silence ensued as his face began to contort tears cleansed his filth ridden cheeks and his tongue commanded his mouth to speak if she were still around I wouldn't be here what do you mean she would have never let this happen Tears transformed into waterfalls his face was a kitchen sink with a leaky faucet my hand wanted to rest on his shoulder but he looked to ethereal to touch even a finger and he'd crumble Yesterday I wanted to kill myself I'm happy he didn't I felt like crying people struggle eternities in hopes of finding their purpose and i mean I don't really know what mine is but midday in a Taco Bell in New York City Roosevelt's purpose was clear at least in a selfish sort of way. He was there to save me he was there to say hey look at me I promise I'm worth looking at no one else will but I promise I'm worth looking at I have value don't walk by me like everyone else I only want attention and I hope that can turn into affection Now I'm not vein enough to believe his main purpose of living was to stay alive long enough to cross paths with me but that's what he did I'm glad he didn't kill himself Have you ever been in love he retorted yeah once but it's over why oh you know she says she's not ready for a relationship she needs space you know what I mean aw I hate that shit man you're over here hurting and she needs space I know I know but she's young she doesn't know what she wants You gotta call her i don't know if that's a good idea you gotta call her you gotta say baby you gotta say baby i miss you baby i need you baby I love you and I sat there thinking that maybe it'd be pretty funny to have a homeless guy call you after all this time maybe it'd be an interesting ice breaker but I suppose the conversation that would follow wouldn't be the most pleasant for me I guess you didn't really want to hear from me anyway Well it was time to go and giving him money seemed almost like an insult since talking to him was so invaluable but I took out my wallet and I gave him six dollars I apologized I didn't have more man you know life seems pretty bleak when you apologize to a homeless man for being broke There I was back on 8th avenue I felt nameless I felt faceless and I almost called you but I resisted and the next day I had this moment of clarity you know what I mean the kind of moment where you're walking down the street and all of a sudden all of the webs inside your head kind of click and then a vault opens and well I'm not going to continue with that but you understand Here's what i wanted to say i wanted to say that i love you but i realized that love isn't some intangible miraculous thing like i once thought no love is ordinary and I used to think it meant vacations and christmas parties and fancy dates and expensive dinners and weddings and anniversaries but love isn't a special occasion no love is every day ordinary ordinary love is the light of the mcdonalds drive thru as you fill your face with french fries love is the ticking hand of a clock as you lay next to each other wishing it would stop love is swallowing the aisles of a grocery store trying to decide what to eat love is carrying a tv across two different boroughs and all love is is attempting to stay in place while holding hands on a whirring C train love is ordinary love is ordinary love is ordinary love is ordinary love is ordinary love is ordinary love is eluding love is eluding lovers eluding love is eluding lovers are looting lovers eluding love is eluding love is eluding love is eluding love is eluding